Top 10 Most Hated Sports Figures

This column has been a long time coming. I’ve been following sports actively for 17 of the 20 years of my life, written online for 6, and over that timeframe I’ve developed a lot of hatred for a lot of different sports figures – athletes, sportswriters, announcers, owners, etc. I’ve whittled my least favorite sports figures down to 10, trying to encompass a variety of different backgrounds, roles, and values. It should be noted that poor performance is not reason enough to be included in this list; in fact, most of these figures should take it as a compliment to be on the list, for most people have to be good to be hated (with one exception). Some are overrated, some play for the wrong team, and some are just plain old douchebags. Also, I kept this list strictly to individuals – it’d be too easy to tab the entire ESPN crew for East Coast Bias.

First, a list of people who didn’t quite make it:

Joe Buck – I really don’t care about what you think.
Skip Bayless – Just stop.
Stephen A. Smith – My ears are bleeding.
Vin Scully – zzz…
Andy Katz – When you see a bunch of Bruins fans before the national championship game, don’t say you’ve got Florida.
Ryan Appleby – Punk. We own you.
Joakim Noah – You’re hella ugly.
Coach K – Two words: Head Dukie.
Vince Carter – Crybaby.
Luis Gonzalez – Promised to sign my baseball at Spring Training 2002. He hasn’t gotten back to me yet.
Terrell Owens – Drama queen.
Terry Donahue – Managed to mess up the most successful franchise in football.
Pete Carroll – Asshole.

Top 10 Most Hated Sports Figures (in reverse order)

10) Drew Rosenhaus, Greedy Lying Bastard (Agent)
It’s difficult to select an agent because they really don’t influence the game as it’s being played. That said, agents are a greedy, self-serving bunch who are not all as likable as Jerry Maguire. Rosenhaus beats out Scott Boras by a hair for one reason, and one reason only: his defense of Terrell Owens last year. “Next question. Next question. Next question.” To put it bluntly, his defense of why TO should be treated as a hero was simply one of the most BSed statements ever. He certainly isn’t as good at negotiating as Boras (who can singlehandedly break a team’s piggy bank), but he makes up for it with his psychobabble. And now he’s got a Burger King commercial.

9) Dick Vitale, Overexcited Duke-Loving ESPN Personality (Announcer)
Vitale would be much higher on this list if not for his praise for UCLA. He more than makes up for it with his infatuation with Duke and UNC. First, Dick Vitale is the embodiment of all that is wrong with ESPN – its obsession with the East Coast and its ignorance towards the rest of the country. He’s a very knowledgeable color man, but his groveling drivel frustrates anyone not from the crappy coast of the country.

Secondly, Vitale also epitomizes all that is wrong with broadcasting these days. The new breed of announcers is overdramatic, overexcited, and overemphasizes the importance of the game they cover. Some have picked up on his harsh, grating voice that irritates your ears. Others invent their own, ridiculous catchphrases. Still others voice their opinions on issues where they really shouldn’t be heard. Vitale is the root of this evil.

8) Kobe Bryant, Selfish Egotistical Rapist (Basketball)
Many of you (out of however few read this blog) will disagree with this. And that’s fine; you either love Kobe or you hate him. Personally, I think he’s the second most talented player in the NBA (after LeBron), and there’s no one more capable of hitting tougher, clutcher shots. That said, his ego is larger than his game. There are plenty of ballhogs in the NBA – Steve Francis, Stephon Marbury to name two Knicks – but few are sensitive enough to stop shooting altogether (and cost their team playoff games) to prove a point. That’s where I draw the line. Kobe has yet to find the balance between sharing the ball and taking over. I thought he’d matured during this past season, but he repeatedly gave up the ball in a Game 7 loss vs. Phoenix to quell the ballhog attacks. And put his person above the Lakers’ season. I won’t even discuss the rape charges.

7) AJ Pierzynski, Arrogant Self-Absorbed Douchebag (Baseball)
Played cards instead of helping his pitchers out. Kicked Stan Conte in the family jewels for Conte’s asking him how he was feeling. Taunted Carlos Zambrano one day after getting socked in the face by Michael Barrett. Yep, it’s baseball’s #1 jerk, AJ Pierzynski. He has no respect for the game, his opponents, even his teammates. The reality is that he’s a top 10 catcher, but hardly a top 5 catcher, and the intensity that he plays the game with is really just sheer obnoxiousness. Besides all this, he was also on the negative end of the worst trade of the 21^st century – Francisco Liriano, Joe Nathan, and Boof Bonser for one horrid year of AJ. Giants fans hate him. Giants players hate him. But in this column, I’m the one who counts, and I really, really hate him.

6) Matt Leinart, Slow-footed, Overrated, Trojan Scum of a Ballet Dancer (College Football)
Ironically, Matt Leinart is now on the Arizona Cardinals with Kurt Warner, another slow-footed overrated quarterback who has always been blessed with great weapons around him. However, whereas Warner’s ascension to fame is a story of triumph, Leinart makes me want to vomit. Firstly, secondly, hell, even thirdly, he’s a Trojan. Fourthly, and unlike Reggie Bush (so you can’t accuse me of being completely blind), he’s not that talented – he’s simply had the luxury of having Mike Williams, Reggie Bush, LenDale White, Steve Smith, Dwayne Jarrett, Dominic Byrd, and an outstanding offensive line to help him out. Fifthly, he’s overhyped by ESPN – why was this guy’s draft day and signing so damn important? Sixthly, I don’t care about who he’s dating – Paris Hilton, or that USC volleyball player that he impregnated. I just don’t care. But you try to force feed me, so I hate him.

5) Casey Jacobsen, Unathletic, Bombing, Overrated (notice a trend here?) White Guy (College Basketball Only)
I don’t hate Casey J anymore. I feel sorry for him actually – he’s a good shooter that hasn’t been able to stick on one team in the NBA. I do give him that. However, rewind about 4 years, and I vehemently hated Jacobsen. The only sports figure I hated more than Casey J was our #1 on this list. I could give you a bunch of reasons why I hated Jacobsen, but since they’re so long in the past, I’ll just link you to the whole article instead: http://playoffcontenders.tripod.com/bien01.htm

Note: I actually just reread my column, and I think I was a pretty intense 16-year old.

4) Bode Miller, Ungrateful SOB (Skiing)
Honestly, I don’t know very much about Bode. But of the little that I do, he seems to be an arrogant prick. The Olympics are one of the few sporting events that carry a sense of decency, tradition, and uplifting spirit. Bode is essentially the antithesis of all. From his wild partying at the Olympics to his skiing intoxicated, this man is probably not the role model that will make the ski federation happy. His talent alone has carried him to many victories and helped promote skiing. However, it’s plain to see from his Olympic failures that talent alone does not achieve greatness, nor does it even win medals and championships. If you’re really, really undedicated, you can undo great talent. He should hook up with AJ.

3) JJ Redick, Byproduct of ESPN’s Pro-Duke Phenomenon (College Basketball)
Our next two members have benefited more from ESPN’s obsession with the East Coast than any other two individuals in sports. Mr. Redick is an excellent jump shooter with great range, a scoring machine (in the right offense) and a fierce competitor. He’s also nothing more than a glorified, present-day Casey Jacobsen. The truth is that he 1) can’t guard anybody, 2) can’t dribble, and 3) is a byproduct of Coach K’s system. There’s no doubt he’s great at what he does – providing a Steve Kerr-esque influence. However, it’s the idiocy of moguls like ESPN that have taken his so-called “greatness” to an entirely different level – documenting his grandmother’s tattoo and his maturation from a pouty, bratty Freshman to a whining, crying Senior. I’m just glad that his college career ended with a 3/18 FG performance.

2) Derek Jeter, East Coast Bias Villain #1 (Baseball)
Derek Jeter is an excellent baseball player. He has the talent, the intangibles, and the leadership to be a perennial All-Star. The issue is everyone else’s infatuation with #2. Numbers-wise (according to baseball-reference.com) his closest historical comparison is Alan Trammel, the solid, if unspectacular, All-Star Tigers shortstop. While Trammel is no slouch, we’re not exactly looking at Honus Wagner numbers here. And while championships are nice, he hasn’t won anything in this millennium, even with his nearly $200-million a year teammates.

Derek Jeter has never won an MVP, so many want him to win it this year. Huh? While Jeter is having one of his best seasons statistically, he’s nowhere near the same stratosphere as David Ortiz, Jermaine Dye, or Justin Morneau. In fact, there are other players who are capable of – should they be put in Jeter’s current situation – producing and leading a team just as well: a good example would be Michael Young. Jeter’s a good player, but he’s nothing special. Everyone unaffiliated with the Yankees and ESPN knows that.

What’s great is that in response to a player survey in which Jeter was voted the most overrated player in baseball, ESPN’s analysts deemed it “jealousy.” C’mon… other players may envy his resources and abilities, but baseball players also know their own; they all know Jeter is tremendously overrated.

1) Tim Kawakami, Quite Possibly the Dumbest Sportswriter Ever (Sportswriter)
Some of you might not know Timmy K. You’re blessed, for he is the single inspiration for this column (I just realized there were a bunch of other people who pissed me off along the way). It’s funny to think that I can refrain from reading the Mercury for months at a time, yet come back and still laugh because this idiot hasn’t changed. Usually, if I don’t like a columnist, I’ll simply refrain from future articles – Skip Bayless, anyone at ESPN not named Peter Gammons, etc., but…

Honestly, I actually haven’t read a whole lot of him lately – my last read was his prediction for Cal winning the national championship (two days before getting utterly destroyed at Tennessee) – and he has a new blog which I refuse to check out for fear of stabbing a pencil in my eye repeatedly. I mean seriously, do you realize how horrible of a sportswriter you have to be in order to make me stab myself in the eye repeatedly? I don’t even do that for Stephen A. Smith. I wouldn’t even do that if Matt Leinart joined Derek Jeter on the Yankees, and Dick Vitale told me about it while JJ Redick shot jumpers in the background. Well… nah.

And for a much more detailed rant with references and even more… hate, please refer back to 6/26/03: http://playoffcontenders.tripod.com/bien25.htm.